sleep

Good Night Irene

/ dereid99 / Leave a comment

I had a dream we were sipping whisky neat. I threw the glass in the campfire. Darkness surrounded me.  I heard a noise in the bush. Out came a giant Scottish dude named Balvenie. He shouted in an accent I couldn’t decipher.  I got up and ran, fear over my shoulder.  I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. Panting. The next morning, I looked at my watch. Dr. Garmin yelled at me  with a 34-sleep score. Holy shit. Not good. I need to get better.

Now, I’ve always been a great sleeper. I can sleep anywhere – at a movie, concert even while driving (not too often). Sleep is very important right up there with the other two biggies, exercise and diet. But with the invention of smart watches, monitoring is both a blessing and a curse.   How can you not take an interest in your sleep? The device is either yelling at me or stroking me with positivity.

However, how accurate are sleep monitoring watches? When you get a sleep score of 93, they are the greatest invention to man. A 34 score and they are shit. From what I’ve read, watches are very good at monitoring how long you’ve slept and that’s about it. Deep sleep and REM, not so much. I was getting such poor scores on my Garmin (average 82), that I decided to funnel the data into Apple health.  She (you beautiful gem) regularly  gives me a 97-100 score every night, so uplifting. Garmin is nothing more that a scolding old bitty who enjoys picking the wings off flies . Constant low scores surely affects your sleep. We all want a 100 percent right? The highest I’ve ever gotten is 93. Once.

With all these poor scores, I decided to try and enhance my sleep score. First magnesium bisglycinate. Made me sleepy before bed, but if you stop taking it,  your body needs time to readjust. It’s like taking a sleeping pill. Once you use, you become dependant and I don’t want to become dependant on anything, except warm socks in the winter. I tried it for two weeks. No change. Then Gabapentin, another sleep inducing medication.  Same – no change and hard to come off.  Blue filter glasses (I use a reader every night). Nope. In fact for the first week, my score was worse. So none of this shit works – what does work?  Going to bed at the same time. Routine is king. And I’m happy with Apple scores.

Does Garmin really matter – you old cantankerous dick? How do you feel when you put your feet on the floor? Five years ago, I didn’t have a sleep monitoring watch and I felt fine. In fact, I think my sleep has gotten worse (for a time) from the constant nagging and negative Garmin reports. I know more than one person who turns the Garmin sleep data off completely. Switching to the more positive Apple is an eye closer for sure.

Sleep is great. I have a routine and I stick to it. I also make sure my bedroom is cool and dark. And no alcohol. If there’s one good report for Garmin, it’s how shitty your sleep is with even one glass of wine too close to bed. I wonder how many people, like me, who have given up booze after damning sleep reports.  The giant nasty Scottish dude is still chasing me, but good luck trying to catch me.

Sober Sunshine

/ dereid99 / Leave a comment

I’m laying in a flower infested summer field, eyes toward a beautiful blue sky. Warm sunbeams fill my soul. Tranquility I haven’t felt in years. My phone bleeps. I try to ignore it, but it won’t go away. I answer. Hello, this is the wine industry calling. We haven’t seen you in months. Are you ok?  Don’t abandon us.  We were good to you once. Remember the fun? Ok the mornings sucked, but still. We need you. I apologized, hung up and went back to the warm sunshine.  Giving up alcohol is the greatest gift I ever gave myself.

I didn’t stop because I got a DUI or my wife left me or I lost my job. I was a Friday night binge drinker for forty years. Week’s end, I’d come home, sit in my easy chair and drink very expensive wine or single malt scotch (so cultured right). I never had just two glasses. A bottle of wine led to some beers and then ohhhh some weed.  With the cupboards bare, it was Good Night, Irene. I never blacked out. I remember the songs and running rampant though midnight streets at dawn.  I never lost anything but my health.

Mental health issues were the main inspiration for change. I didn’t realize the damage alcohol caused until I gave it up. No booze means, waking up in the morning with a clear head, watching a beautiful pink sun rise and feeling it. No more hangovers and recovery days. No more brain numbness. No more hangxiety – the anxiety you feel the next morning after a night of drinking with your head in your hands asking yourself, why?  Or the depression that follows from the frustration you feel because you just can’t stop or how come you can’t just have two glasses and be done. Mental health issues were literally driving me crazy.

And the sleep issues. Even two glasses of wine devastated my sleep. It took me two weeks sober to get my sleep pattern back to normal.  Now I sleep consistently well.  Some people say they return to dreaming. I never had that problem – drinking nightmares never stopped until I quit.

I don’t know when I realized drinking was doing me harm – possibly retirement because I could drink whenever I wanted. Monday? Haha. It’s not like I have work tomorrow. My job held the bottle in check (very hard to teach grammar hungover). Oh no, it’s Sunday. I can’t drink. I work tomorrow. But once the training wheels were off – whoohoo.  Then came the pandemic. What else do you do? Watching the world slowly unravel while in isolation, please pass me the wine. But once normality returned, I couldn’t stop. Maybe for a couple of weeks or a thirty-day challenge.  Something is wrong here.

And then a switch finally clicked. I stopped. Annie Grace was a big help, along with many YouTube videos and r/stopdrinking (I’m a stocker, but very helpful). Yes, alcohol is bad for your health. I wish I was a two-glasser, but I am not. I like where I am now. I enjoy my mornings. I enjoy my sleep. I feel healthy, mentally and physically. And frankly, I am afraid. I know what one glass leads to and I do not want to travel that road.  I love my victories – sober birthday, sober Xmas, sober vacation. Alcohol takes up too much brain space I need for other activities like enjoying life.