I had a dream we were sipping whisky neat. I threw the glass in the campfire. Darkness surrounded me.  I heard a noise in the bush. Out came a giant Scottish dude named Balvenie. He shouted in an accent I couldn’t decipher.  I got up and ran, fear over my shoulder.  I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. Panting. The next morning, I looked at my watch. Dr. Garmin yelled at me  with a 34-sleep score. Holy shit. Not good. I need to get better.

Now, I’ve always been a great sleeper. I can sleep anywhere – at a movie, concert even while driving (not too often). Sleep is very important right up there with the other two biggies, exercise and diet. But with the invention of smart watches, monitoring is both a blessing and a curse.   How can you not take an interest in your sleep? The device is either yelling at me or stroking me with positivity.

However, how accurate are sleep monitoring watches? When you get a sleep score of 93, they are the greatest invention to man. A 34 score and they are shit. From what I’ve read, watches are very good at monitoring how long you’ve slept and that’s about it. Deep sleep and REM, not so much. I was getting such poor scores on my Garmin (average 82), that I decided to funnel the data into Apple health.  She (you beautiful gem) regularly  gives me a 97-100 score every night, so uplifting. Garmin is nothing more that a scolding old bitty who enjoys picking the wings off flies . Constant low scores surely affects your sleep. We all want a 100 percent right? The highest I’ve ever gotten is 93. Once.

With all these poor scores, I decided to try and enhance my sleep score. First magnesium bisglycinate. Made me sleepy before bed, but if you stop taking it,  your body needs time to readjust. It’s like taking a sleeping pill. Once you use, you become dependant and I don’t want to become dependant on anything, except warm socks in the winter. I tried it for two weeks. No change. Then Gabapentin, another sleep inducing medication.  Same – no change and hard to come off.  Blue filter glasses (I use a reader every night). Nope. In fact for the first week, my score was worse. So none of this shit works – what does work?  Going to bed at the same time. Routine is king. And I’m happy with Apple scores.

Does Garmin really matter – you old cantankerous dick? How do you feel when you put your feet on the floor? Five years ago, I didn’t have a sleep monitoring watch and I felt fine. In fact, I think my sleep has gotten worse (for a time) from the constant nagging and negative Garmin reports. I know more than one person who turns the Garmin sleep data off completely. Switching to the more positive Apple is an eye closer for sure.

Sleep is great. I have a routine and I stick to it. I also make sure my bedroom is cool and dark. And no alcohol. If there’s one good report for Garmin, it’s how shitty your sleep is with even one glass of wine too close to bed. I wonder how many people, like me, who have given up booze after damning sleep reports.  The giant nasty Scottish dude is still chasing me, but good luck trying to catch me.