Aged cheddar, lettuce, tomatoes, on a toasted bun

The next stop on the Spicy Chicken trail is Earls, a sit down restaurant chain popular in Canada with a few American locations in Illinois, Colorado and Florida among other spots.

This time out, I had the pleasure of dining with a co-worker who has many “conditions.” One time we went to a lake for a day picnic.  We get to this beautiful oasis in the middle of the prairies and as we’re driving around she  notices there’s not a tree or sparkle of shade anywhere. The look on her face. I’d say she went as white as a ghost, but that’s her natural appearance.  As she stepped out of the car, I swore I heard her skin sizzle like a raw slab of meat on a barbecue. Five minutes later we headed back to the city. Air conditioner on full blast. We never went on another picnic.

We get to Earl’s and after moving to three different tables – “I’m freezing. Is this under the air conditioner?”  “Oh my God will those children please shut up.” “I can’t see the fire exit. What if there’s a fire?” We finally find a seat. Our pleasant server comes over and takes our order. My friend asks for water and lemon, no ice. She’s got enough ice running through her veins. The server returns.

“I said no ice. Gawd. Do you understand English?” I have to lower my head. I can’t look at the poor server who doesn’t deserve this.

“Can’t you be a bit more pleasant?” I ask. I look over and watch the the waitress stir her new drink with a freshly sanitized finger. If not for the pandemic, I know what she would have done. I don’t blame her.

Our food arrives. I have the Spicy Cajun Sandwich with cheddar. My friend has a Caesar salad and a very soggy margarita pizza. As we are leaving she says, “I hope you didn’t tip her very well.” I tipped her thirty percent for the trauma she had to deal with. Loss of work due to the pandemic and shitty customers, servers should get an automatic fifty.

Now on to the Spicy Chicken Sandwich. Liking dining with my ex-friend, it was a horrible experience. Firstly who puts cheddar with cajun? A terrible combination. The meat was very very dry and covered in so much breading, I thought I was licking the floor of a sawmill. And way, way too much bun (I also wondered if the bun wasn’t left over from the last pandemic shut down three months ago). The meat was as hidden as a turkey at Thanksgiving and the spice as scared as a bleached skinned woman at a scorching beach.

Well the good thing is I won’t go back to this restaurant for awhile. Not only was the sandwich horrible, but I need many many months before the memory of my friend dissipates from server memory.